what they don’t tell you about growing up in a small town

For those who don’t know me, here is everything you need to know about where I grew up:

The town I came from is small and by small, I mean ~800 population. Ryan, Oklahoma is made up of a small section of highway 81 and our main street. The town begins with a welcome sign outside of our football field and ends 3 minutes later when you see the last row of houses. People would often joke that "If you blink you'll miss it," and the phrase could not be more true.

I could give you two fun facts about my hometown that may or may not resonate with you.

The first fact being that it was a part of the Chisholm Trail and to make a long story short, a rancher began driving cattle from ranches in Texas to Kansas railheads and my town was on the trail that they established. I can thank the Chisholm Trail history museum that we went to in elementary school for that information.

The second fact is that Chuck Norris was born in Ryan. I know what you’re thinking, I was just as confused and I have tried to find a reason why myself.

I graduated with 20 people (yes, you read that correctly) and I had been with most of these people since we were in Pre-K and Kindergarten. I could name my classmates and most of their family members, which I realized is not normal once I got to college.

Now that you have a little bit of information, we can really begin to discuss the details of my small town experience. If you’ve heard of the typical small town, you probably have an idea of the type of town I’m talking about.

You could find the whole town at the big football game on a Friday night. Lunch time was when you could find the upper classmen grabbing food from Sticks, the main gas station in town, or grabbing food from Dee’s cafe (AKA Circle D Cafe).

Homecoming was absolute mayhem between float prepping and seeing girls get upset over who was and wasn’t a class princess. If you played one sport, you played them all and if you wanted to get away with anything, you’d do it during your Ag class hour.

If you waited around long enough, you’d hear a rumor or two about yourself that may, or may not, be true and the teachers would gossip just as much as the students do.

That’s the thing about small towns though, everyone knows your business, whether you want them to or not. You have to either get used to it or you learn to keep to yourself, which rarely ever helped because then people would just assume and you know what they say about assuming.

It’s a small pool and due to this you don’t really have a pick of good or bad, so you deal with the hand you’ve been dealt.

Your whole friend group has said something awful about each other at some point, but who else are you going to be friends with? Forgive and sometimes forget is the motto.

I’m beginning to sound negative and I’m not meaning to be. It wasn’t all bad growing up in a town that small.

When something tragic happened, that’s when the whole town would come together. You could expect to be flooded with cards, flowers, texts, and calls. People would cook for you, bring you baked goods, and try their best to help.

You could catch the older men having their cups of coffee at Sticks in the early hours of the morning. The traffic for the student drop off was almost nonexistent and you were always guaranteed parking.

You can forget about getting away with anything. When you go through your phase of being a teenager and you think you're getting away with things, just know that you aren't.

I can recall numerous times when my neighbors would tell my mom about my brother and I fighting in the front yard.

My neighbor Mr. Rick would see me at church on Sunday morning and say, "I'd watch out for this one, I see her whippin' up on her little ole brother in the front yard all the time." Then he would laugh, grab a few jolly ranchers out of his pocket to give to us and say something like, "I'm sure he deserved it though,” with a wink.

It was nice to have a small community of people to pick on you and make you feel loved. It meant you had an added level of protection from people that you know genuinely cared about your well being.

I do feel that the added security or a watchful eye is sometimes a negative thing in a town that small. Some people will seem like they have your best interest in mind, but in reality they just want close to you so that they can have the inside scoop.

In a town that size, it can sometimes be hard to tell who is really on your side and who is secretly hoping for your downfall. I honestly think that's why I always grew up thinking I wasn't much of a girl's girl.

I could never be super close to girls. Girls were too catty. Girls were mean. Girls were deceitful.

I'm not saying I was a saint by any means, but I think when you grow up in a town that has a limited selection of boys, most girls will see you as competition instead of a confidant.

I truly believe that most of my problems with girls in high school either stemmed from boys or from pointless drama.

For example, let's say Sage and Liza were best friends. Sage and Liza have a huge fight and Sage comes to me upset.

Sage and I decide that we don't like Liza, because it seems like Liza is being a terrible friend. Sage and I talk bad about Liza.

Then let's say that Liza comes to me and tells me her side and I feel bad that I didn't hear her out, so I try to talk to Sage about it.

Sage gets upset and tells Liza what I said about her when Sage and I were mad at Liza. Sage and Liza would cut me out of the group and talk bad about me and then the cycle repeats itself.

Sorry, I know that was a lot to take in, but if you take this scenario and multiply it by ten then you would have my hometown.

I can give plenty of examples of this or when girls were just flat out mean, but I have moved past everything and honestly they're bound to read this so I would rather not rehash old wounds.

I am still friends with some of the girls from my hometown. I have stayed in touch with a few of them, but since I've moved it's been harder to keep up.

I mostly see everyone's life updates on Facebook or my mom gives me updates.

Speaking of moms... Small towns are NOTORIOUS for the mothers that were living vicariously through their daughters.

These moms were the moms that would flirt with the high school boys, gossip with their daughters, and judge everyone else.

These women were ruthless and would constantly try to find ways to keep their daughters in good graces. It sounds dramatic, but it's so true.

I could write a book with the information I could give on living in a small town, but I will stop there for now.

If you want to learn more about growing up in the middle of nowhere, please let me know by leaving a message through my website.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

xoxo,

Jamie Lee